I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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