Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
