I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
false alarm. still invincible.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize