Can i not drive my cunt home
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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