Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
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