Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
