You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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