I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
