its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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