You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
