i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
