Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize