so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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