everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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