he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
