So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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