He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
