she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
