ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
