Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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