thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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