I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
