If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
