Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
