I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
