I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
