I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
