He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
