you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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