How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
