she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
