In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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