Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
