best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
