I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
