I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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