They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
