don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
