Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
