In the future we'll all be gay
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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