if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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