Will you blow on my dice?
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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