Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
