Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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