oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
