what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
