No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
