Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
