Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
