I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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