Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
