I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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