Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
is wine microwaveable?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize