I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
im on a boat
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