do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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