I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
