My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
