Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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