I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
