I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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