Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
