The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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