Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
