i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
