Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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