I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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