i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
drinking out of a sandbucket again
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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