I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
