If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize