I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
