Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
